One Christmas night…

I fell asleep on the couch, lost my phone, cash and he drove off…

It was some years back. When I was in one of my toxic relationship. I had just finished with work on a Saturday… It was a medical conference that I had to attend. I was there the whole day since seven in the morning.

And I’ve been working almost every weekend due to workshops and conferences the company participated. Obviously I was dead tired and have not been getting good sleep. I felt and looked like a frigging zombie.

So, we got invited to a Christmas dinner with his family on one of the weekend. He called me that morning to informed and since we only had one car to move around. I told him to get a ride from his brother in-law and I will drive over after work.

My feet was breaking from standing too long and what’s wrong with removing my boots to walk around in just my socks… It’s not my first time I’m in that house… it’s family!

Anyway, we enjoyed dinner and a wonderful catch up. Everyone were enjoying themselves with good food… wine… and a good chat. I was extremely tired, my eyes were closing as we all talked to each other. Some of them even made fun of me about my eyes getting smaller than a Chinese. Hahaha… almost to a point that they can’t see my eyes anymore.

I told everyone that I was tired… went inside of the house and was gonna chill on the couch… as usual, I left my hand bag on the coffee table – that’s what I usually do when I visit them.

While watching the kids play, I fell asleep on the couch… didn’t realise time past so fast, thought I only had a blink and the next thing I knew, he woke me up and said, lets go home.

I got up, took my handbag and left the house… before getting into the car, my feet was aching and I needed my flip flops from the car :

Me : Sweetheart, could you get my flip flops from the car.

He : Why do you need them? Just walk to the car.

Me : But I don’t want to dirty my socks.

He : Half heartedly, he went to the car, took my flip flops and chucked them infront of me.

Me : Hmmmmm…. Thanks.

As we drove off, we were already 20 minutes away and we saw cops with roadblocks… He told me to send a message to warn his brother in-law – which is living pretty close to us.

I search for my phone in my handbag. Couldn’t find it, I open my purse immediately, my cash were gone… I told him to turn around and he got furious! Started yelling at me for the next 20 minutes journey back to his sister’s house.

Well… Maybe I took my phone out and it slipped in the couch when I was sleeping. I just wanted to speak to her. She confronted both her house keeper – obviously they said NO. It’s doesn’t matter… at least she is aware what’s happening.

I’ve been in and out of the house and we trusted them. Nothing like that has ever happened.

So, while I was talking to his sister, he drove off and left me there… WTF? He drove off and left me!

I walked out of the house, asked his brother in-law, where is D? He replied, Oh, he told me to send you home… He left! hmmmm…. how was I suppose to feel in that situation?

Fucking pissed of course!

What I did? I used his brother in-law’s phone, called and told him to turn around. I was furious he did that to me…. I said, if you’re not back here in 20minutes, I’m gonna walk back home! It’s past midnight and I don’t care how far it is but I will walk back home.

Did he turned back? YES he did… both of us we silent in the car. Once home, I went straight to bed and not a single word spoken. The next day, I asked myself… Is this what I want in a relationship? It’s not the first time he’s done silly stuff to me. I’m always giving in. I gave in way to much.

Where’s my pride and dignity? where’s my self image… my self worth…? Am I not worth to be treated right? Am I suppose to take his SHIT for the rest of my life? Whenever he sees a five figure cheque from my commission, he treats me well… When I work almost all weekends and hardly home… I’m being accused of disloyalty.

I am so tired of being treated like crap.

A week later, after taking a break from him, enough is enough. I’m not gonna hang around to be another one of his victim. I packed my bags, took what I could carry and left the house.

I have never felt so free in years… throughout the 5 years of relationship. It was like, burden’s off my shoulder.

Time to focus on MYSELF! Time to focus on what I WANT to do! Time to focus on my OWN LIFE!

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.” 

― Shannon L. Alder

Episode 11